• 10. Skill Levels Please

SXSW Staff – I heard a few people mention this one, so please separate sessions by skill level. Ohhhh, wait the good news on this one is on the 3rd day I actually realized that SXSW Interactive pocket guide already did this. Hoooray, now we are almost there, now go ahead and put this exact same information on the website and iPhone apps that everyone else was using.  It’s called consistency.  Thanks.

• 9. Improve Registration

SXSW Staff – Last I checked, this is an interactive conference, correct? I signed up and even paid online, yet I had to fill out paperwork with the same exact info you already had. Ditto on the picture for the badges, I uploaded one online yet had to take a new picture when I was there. Two for two. I like standing in lines and all, but cutting all this unnecessary what nots like this will speed things up.

• 8. Online Feedback

SXSW Staff – speaking of unnecessary what nots. Again, this is an interactive conference and you are still passing out paper and pencils for feedback? It’s 2010 people, is this the best we can do? We should be zipping around on hover-boards by now and considering the WIFI was actually good this year and the successful integration of twitter hash tags, as well as the rise of online questioning tools like HotPotato, it seems amateur to bust out the paper and pencils as the only solution to provide feedback. Save the trees yall.

• 7. Event Preparation

Presenters – Please be prepared. I picked your session out of all the options available during that time slot and I really don’t want to sit through some presentation you slapped together the night before after some drinks down on 6th street. While you are debugging code that “should” work or discussing with your panel members on what you were talking about and what part of the presentation you are supposed to be in and if it’s OK to tell that one story, I’m the guy getting up and leaving your presentation. I’m not a big fan of practicing, but like maybe pretend you know what’s going on and it’s all part of your dazzling master plan.

• 6. I have Google Too!

Presenters – Here’s a secret tidbit of info: I have Google too. This is only for a small portion of you, but please don’t give your session a really cool title and then regurgitate the exact same thing it takes me 2.4 seconds to find online. You do look cool with that microphone with the name card and hash tag, now talk about something original/interesting/how to immediately address issues in our jobs and people will love you, we will even carry you out of the room on our shoulders, I promise.

• 5. Chairs of Torture

Austin Convention Center – If your overall goal of SXSW interactive is to redistribute my lower lumbar and completely mess up my back with your tiny non cushion metal chairs of torture then you win! May I suggest the Iron Maiden (torture device – not the awesome band) or perhaps the rack torture next year?

• 4. Understand Your Audience

Sales People In/Outside the Conference – Understand your audience and adjust your strategy. When I’m running between standing room sessions or in the bathroom I really don’t want to hear about “the next facebook/twitter geo location mobile flash killer virtual reality iphone app” but I’m sure it’s cool. Also, a big special WTF to Greenpeace – you have a wonderful cause that I believe in but I really don’t want to hear “HEY GUY, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU CARE” as you shove your save the whale/rainbows clipboard in my chest…. five times in one day. Hand me some info, if I’m interested I’ll get involved. Getting in my face just makes me hate you. Sorry about that.

• 3. Road Warrior

City of Austin – Our roads and transportation system already suck – we know this. Yet out of any time of the year you could pick, during SXSW you went ahead and tore up a few blocks of Cesar Chavez right by the convention center for a double impact of causing all sorts of traffic nightmares while simultaneously welcoming our out of town guests with a various collection of barricades, cones, and broken asphalt. Strangely I have no problem with those cranes and bulldozers though. Maybe just line those up on the street and show how awesome they are and hold off on the actual work till after the conference. We do have that train now though, I’m sure next years attendees will love the ride out to Leander! Chooo Chooo!

• 2. Questions Disguised As Product Plugs

Attendees – I’m all for asking questions. No really I am, and this is a bit elementary, but if you are going to get up in front of the crowd when it’s time for questions (if there is any) please actually ask a question. Duh! I’m sure the project you are working on at your business is really great, but plugging whatever it is you do and how awesome you are really makes you look like a complete tool. Save that stuff for after the session in the 15 thousand other networking events and let the line of people with actual questions ask them. Thanks.

• 1. Fashion Smashion

Attendees – Attire. You are in Austin, TX. Pretty much all of our nice restaurants allow people in if they are wearing jeans and if they don’t you probably don’t want to go there. Jot that one down. You are going to be walking a lot so I suggest focusing a little bit more on comfort and a little less on fashion – but that tiny tie with the wool blazer with the matching skull cap and scarf is looking fierce, but it’s damn near 80 degrees out so I know you are also burning up. Follow this and you can free yourself to actually learn at this conference instead of focusing on what’s a hot trend. Doing that is completely lame. Whoever does that should be ashamed of themselves. Shame Shame.